The Chronicles of Count Brass - Part 2
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47 posts in this topic

Aye. Reet.

 

Well we finally didn’t lose which means that we now have something to build on. Not losing is a good habit and, despite the fact that I had no alternative but to pick the side that played, I will take all the credit for it - well me and Kiddo. I’ll let the fans think that I had the courage to blood the youngsters when DF didn’t . . .

 

Speaking of the youngsters, they are really keen to learn and have asked me to put on a special training session for them to demonstrate how to clear a ball when facing your own goal. They are special kids they are like.

 

As we gear up to the January transfer window, the Chur had us all in for a Powerpoint presentation on the club’s finances. After thirty slides full of flow charts, special purpose vehicles, venn diagrams, leveraged drawdowns and tax efficient joint ventures it became clear that we will have around three shillings and fourpence to get some quality players in. Me and Kiddo have a list so we will get our heads together over a Baileys on New Year’s Day and cross them out one by one.

 

A lot of fans seemed surprised that we brought Rob Lainton back for the Fleetwood game but, let me tell yer, this guy is one tough cookie. Three times now he has come back from some serious escape goating from our terrific fans and here he is back again! Quality!

 

A lot of fans have asked me how the players spend Christmas day being as like they are professional footballers and, here at Bury, we are nothing if not top class professionals. We put on sessions with experts on: 

 

  • Cracker pulling; 
  • Tree dressing; 
  • Present wrapping;
  • Turkey carving;
  • Eating a drumstick without getting grease on your cheeks and;
  • Falling gently asleep in an alcoholic haze in the armchair watching the Great Escape.

 

People keep asking me when Cameron is coming back but I am hoping he doesn’t. After the disaster he had last time he was around I wouldn’t want him anywhere near here. Why on earth he held that referendum no one knows. Tosser.

 

Here are me and Kiddo’s New Year’s Resolutions:

 

  1. Not getting sacked
  2. Persuading Vaughny to change his flag breaking celebration (The Chur is trying to buy a flag making firm but, for now, every goal he scores costs us £22.30)
  3. Buy more cotton wool (the Chur brought an expert in who told us we had to wrap the players up in it to avoid injuries)
  4. Remembering not to eat a pork pie just before being interviewed
  5. Teach Gordon to call me Gaffer and not Brassy
  6. Try not to insult the fans when they perfectly reasonably and legitimately make stupid and offensive remarks against me and the players.
  7. No getting sacked.

 

Finally, the perpetual problem we have at the club in writing proper English on our website might have been solved as the Chur has brought in a professional Spell Checker to make sure everything is perfect from now on.

 

The Chur reckons he is the best in the Business and here’s a photo of him on his first day after spotting a redundant apostrophe and an inappropriate use of a gerund

images.jpeg

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The only comedy in that is that someone's spent all that time and effort to be completely negative regarding various aspects of the club, pretty sad.

Merry Christmass.

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10 minutes ago, MrBistow said:

The only comedy in that is that someone's spent all that time and effort to be completely negative regarding various aspects of the club, pretty sad.

Merry Christmass.

I took it as tongue in cheek !

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Maybe it's time for subtitles for the RTSB !!!!

Edited by postcorvus

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1 hour ago, MrBistow said:

The only comedy in that is that someone's spent all that time and effort to be completely negative regarding various aspects of the club, pretty sad.

Merry Christmass.

I see the new Spell Checker is slacking already

 

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3 hours ago, MrBistow said:

The only comedy in that is that someone's spent all that time and effort to be completely negative regarding various aspects of the club, pretty sad.

Merry Christmass.

Ebenezer Scrooge lives on !! :P 

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12 minutes ago, still running man said:

Ebenezer Scrooge lives on !! :P 

Now you listen here Mr running man ! My role is to spread joy and happiness throughout the world - well on this forum anyway. I will defend the downtrodden and vulnerable against all keyboard warriors mocking our fantastic Club.

The said post is the equivalent to a resident throwing bricks through their shared accomodation window - as a residant I'm not having it irrespective of the time of year !

No wonder your on the run - only positive post allowed don't you know, it is forbidden for anyone to have a different mentality to me !:D

Bah Humbug...

Edited by MrBistow
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Three shillings and four pence. Ah those were the days. Enough for 20 Woodbine maybe and a tube of Spangles. And no Brexit cos we hadn't even Enteredit!

 

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Outed Bistow!! You are Spartacus the official club proof reader.

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3 hours ago, MrBistow said:

The said post is the equivalent to a resident throwing bricks through their shared accomodation window

Er, no it isn't - IMO of course.

:) 

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If I was to sum up this funny old year I would simply say ...

 

"BrassKidd means BrassKidd". 

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2 hours ago, postcorvus said:

Outed Bistow!! You are Spartacus the official club proof reader.

The clubs postings are far to literate for me, I thought they were really well composed ! ( obviously I checked this post thoroughly before submit, you will even notice my edit on this short post).

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2 minutes ago, MrBistow said:

The clubs postings are far to literate for me, I thought they were really well compiled ! ( obviously I checked this post thoroughly before submit, you will notice the edit ).

The club's postings are not "compiled", they are written - not very well! You use the verb submit incorrectly as there is an object (the post) so it should be "submitting it)

Oh, and, by way of friendly advice, this is how you spell your name correctly.

Aaah!!

pic-products-4.png

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17 hours ago, exiile said:

The club's postings are not "compiled", they are written - not very well! You use the verb submit incorrectly as there is an object (the post) so it should be "submitting it)

Oh, and, by way of friendly advice, this is how you spell your name correctly.

Aaah!!

pic-products-4.png

The gravy is also rich and meaty !:)

Edited by MrBistow

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14 minutes ago, MrBistow said:

The gravy is also rich and meaty !:)

The "gravy" is made from potato flour, wheat flour, dried yeast and colouring (caramel). Thus it has no meat in it at all.

It is one thing masquerading as another!

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2 hours ago, exiile said:

The "gravy" is made from potato flour, wheat flour, dried yeast and colouring (caramel). Thus it has no meat in it at all.

It is one thing masquerading as another!

Newsflash !

Being sad enough to actually now look at the ingredients, I am pleased and overjoyed to announce on this shakers football forum that the said gravy does indeed have Beef extract within its plethora of ingredients.

The meaty part of the statement is now proven as undeniable, the rich part is a matter of opinion.. 

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1 hour ago, MrBistow said:

Newsflash !

Being sad enough to actually now look at the ingredients, I am pleased and overjoyed to announce on this shakers football forum that the said gravy does indeed have Beef extract within its plethora of ingredients.

The meaty part of the statement is now proven as undeniable, the rich part is a matter of opinion.. 

I think you like to deceive . . .

http://www.bisto.co.uk/our-range/gravy-powder/the-original-gravy-powder

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20 minutes ago, exiile said:

Thats a cheap shot and well below the belt - That's the original recipe, the one I refer to is the Beef variety which you know damn well, never seen so much skullduggery in all my life !

Ok, as I have not given spacif indication of preference then may be I can understand your stance on this crucial matter, I profoundly apologise for the lack of clarity and hope we can put our gravy issues to one side in the future.

The last thing any of us want is to split this board and the subject then morph into a catalyst for club division culminating  in the calapse of our great club and all its history. Its probably best to try for a quick resolution to prevent serious escalation, thus enabling us to hopefully forgive and may be even one day forget, just for the clubs sake if nothing else.

 

Edited by MrBistow

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3 minutes ago, WirralShaker said:

Without wishing to destroy the harmony of this bourd* I prefer OXO

Time for a new poll on here,

What's your beef ?

;) 

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1 hour ago, MrBistow said:

morph into a catalyst for club division 

 

Ok, now I'm confused. What the hell has morph got to do with this? Unless he had caramel colouring in him as well...

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3 hours ago, MrBistow said:

Thats a cheap shot and well below the belt - That's the original recipe, the one I refer to is the Beef variety which you know damn well, never seen so much skullduggery in all my life !

Ok, as I have not given spacif indication of preference then may be I can understand your stance on this crucial matter, I profoundly apologise for the lack of clarity and hope we can put our gravy issues to one side in the future.

The last thing any of us want is to split this board and the subject then morph into a catalyst for club division culminating  in the calapse of our great club and all its history. Its probably best to try for a quick resolution to prevent serious escalation, thus enabling us to hopefully forgive and may be even one day forget, just for the clubs sake if nothing else.

 

Wow. It must take a great deal of effort to write as badly as that! Are you sure you are not someone else "morphing" into a gravy browning?

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