The Chronicles of Count Brass Part 4
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16 posts in this topic

Reet. Aye.

 

We can’t buy a win at the moment and I am thinking of something more radical for our next game. 

 

Crowdsourcing. 

 

Me and Kidder have been studying the fans forums to see what they want us to do to get back to winning ways. The overwhelming point of view is that the players that aren’t picked to play are better than the players that are picked.

 

“Reet”, I said, “Let’s just pick a side with players that haven’t been playing, that way if we do lose the fans can’t get on our back”. Kidder then pointed out the flaw. If we picked all new players, they would automatically be worse than the players we haven’t picked. No wonder we can’t win.

 

After last week’s revelation about the two Jacobs, it was pointed out to me that Goshen was the place given to the Hebrews by Joseph in Egypt and it was there they left after being enslaved by Nigel Pharoage to commence their exodus to the promised land - “Carrington” - where Moses parted the Manchester Ship Canal.

 

I was really impressed with the Scunny Captain Les Dawson as he virtually ran the show. Between playing football that is. The Chur had been looking to recruit a specialist in bullying authority, making up unlikely stories and getting the crowd on his side but, apparently he has been elected as US President so we shall have to look elsewhere. 

 

The Chur has also come up with a brilliant and original idea to get more interest in the club. he has suggested contacting former fans’ favourites to become club ambassadors on match days. He also has plans for an interactive museum with historical reconstructions such as the wheelie bins we used as ice baths and the boardroom table where Neil Warnock used to have a pre match rub down and the hole in the dressing room wall that Kevin Blackwell used to listen to the opposition team talk.

 

You may have noticed we have made a start by preserving the original toilets although we have had to source some special incense burners to recreate the original stench.

 

On to the forthcoming game with Peterborough. Tom Pope has had the idea of bringing in Buddhist prayer wheels so that fans can give them a spin on their way in. I think that’s a great idea and the PA people are looking into some amplified chanting to create some great atmosphere. I was a bit sceptical at first but once I heard that it was all leading up to Nirvana I thought, well, Nevermind!

 

Wot Fettle!

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10 minutes ago, Spee said:

What happened to Part 3? ;)

It came after part 2 very radical but true

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2 hours ago, kentshaker said:

It came after part 2 very radical but true

THAT's where we're going wrong. We should start with our second half first, and make all our substitutions during it. Then if we're winning at half-time, all the players will be fully justified on getting changes and going home.

Statto alert - are our second half results better than our first?? Or are we really better doing something radical like starting the first half, scoring and then running away with the ball?

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33 minutes ago, Kacc said:

THAT's where we're going wrong. We should start with our second half first, and make all our substitutions during it. Then if we're winning at half-time, all the players will be fully justified on getting changes and going home.

Statto alert - are our second half results better than our first?? Or are we really better doing something radical like starting the first half, scoring and then running away with the ball?

I've an idea that might work.  IF we score first what's to stop us simply putting all 10 outfield players in the goalmouth with the keeper in front of them.  As long as they all keep their hands behind their backs, surely no team would be able to score against us!!

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6 hours ago, N8URY said:

I've an idea that might work.  IF we score first what's to stop us simply putting all 10 outfield players in the goalmouth with the keeper in front of them.  As long as they all keep their hands behind their backs, surely no team would be able to score against us!!

Until Maher dives in and gives a penalty away. 

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9 hours ago, N8URY said:

I've an idea that might work.  IF we score first what's to stop us simply putting all 10 outfield players in the goalmouth with the keeper in front of them.  As long as they all keep their hands behind their backs, surely no team would be able to score against us!!

I'm sure we could conjure up an own goal though

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Probably seen as ungentlemanly conduct. All 10 sent off and match abandoned. Result as in April might have full squad available.

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2 hours ago, postcorvus said:

Probably seen as ungentlemanly conduct. All 10 sent off and match abandoned. Result as in April might have full squad available.

Our mate Uncle Colin tried that once, can't remember who he was managing at the time but didn't he have three sent off, and then tactically tried to get another off so the ref would have to abandon the game with them 3 - down??

 

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14 hours ago, Kacc said:

THAT's where we're going wrong. We should start with our second half first, and make all our substitutions during it. Then if we're winning at half-time, all the players will be fully justified on getting changes and going home.

Statto alert - are our second half results better than our first?? Or are we really better doing something radical like starting the first half, scoring and then running away with the ball?

Don't know about results, but the first and second halves are almost identical in terms of the number of goals scored and conceded:

http://www.soccerstats.com/timing.asp?league=england3

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27 minutes ago, postcorvus said:

Might have been for Sheff U against WBA.

Rings a bell!

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5 hours ago, postcorvus said:

Might have been for Sheff U against WBA.

 

4 hours ago, Kacc said:

Rings a bell!

 

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